By admin 
One of the things I find most fascinating about human beings is how incredibly different we all are. Different personalities, opinions, beliefs, behaviours and ways of looking at life. Some people are gentle, others outspoken. Some are easy to understand, while others leave us wondering what on earth is going on in their minds. And isn’t that part of the beauty of this human experience?
Yet something I often observe is how people carry grievances, sometimes for years, sometimes for an entire lifetime. Even adult children may barely speak to their parents anymore. And when they do, there can be an immediate coldness, irritation or rejection, as though something of the past is sitting right there between them, ready to speak before anyone has even opened their mouth.
Of course, some people have experienced genuine cruelty or abuse, and protecting themselves may be necessary. Forgiveness does not mean accepting harmful behaviour or maintaining relationships at any cost.
But what interests me is the grievance itself. What are we actually holding on to?
A Course in Miracles teaches that grievances hide the light of the world from us. And I think there is something profoundly beautiful in that observation. When someone holds a grievance against us, they may no longer see who we are today. Instead, they see their memories, their judgments and the story they have created about us. We may find ourselves facing coldness, irritation or rejection, sometimes without even understanding why.
And perhaps the saddest part is that the person holding the grievance may not realise that what they are struggling with is no longer the person standing in front of them, but something within themselves that remains unquestioned.
If we consider that we are all unique expressions of one Consciousness, experiencing this apparent world of separation through countless different perspectives, then our differences become something rather extraordinary. We don’t have to agree, approve or even understand one another. We can simply recognise that everyone is experiencing life through their own particular lens.
But how do we respond when someone holds a grievance against us? Perhaps the first thing is to recognise that we don’t have to defend ourselves against every judgment. We can listen, acknowledge someone’s pain and take responsibility where appropriate, without accepting their entire story about who we are. We don’t have to become cold because someone treats us coldly. And sometimes, the most loving response is simply to allow the other person their feelings without trying to change them.
And what if we discover a grievance within ourselves? Perhaps we can become curious instead of immediately justifying it. What am I defending? What do I believe this person has taken from me? Why does this memory still disturb my peace? Not to blame ourselves, but to discover the beliefs we have mistaken for truth.
For me, grievances often reveal an unwillingness, or perhaps a fear, to look within. It can seem easier to say, “You are the reason I feel this way,” than to question our own interpretation of what happened.
And that is where freedom begins. Not by changing the other person, not by pretending the past never happened, but by becoming willing to see it differently.
We may discover that what we have been defending for years was never our peace, but our story.
And perhaps the most wonderful discovery is that we can let go of that story without losing anything real.
Because love doesn’t require people to be different from who they are. It simply invites us to see beyond who we thought they were.
With love and light,
Gonny