By admin 
Expectations are funny things.
The moment I expect something from you, I have quietly created a future in which you are supposed to behave in a certain way. And if you don’t…I may be disappointed.
That kind of disappointment is usually easy to recognize.
But there is another one, much harder to see: the fear of disappointing someone else.
I don’t want her to be upset.
I don’t want him to think badly of me.
I don’t want to let them down.
It sounds caring. And sometimes it is.
But sometimes there is a little snake hiding in the grass. 
Because without noticing it, I may begin adjusting myself. I say yes when I feel no. I explain myself when no explanation is really needed. I avoid an honest conversation, soften what I really want, or take responsibility for someone else’s feelings.
And strangely, both sides of disappointment may contain the same hidden belief:
You are responsible for how I feel.
Or I am responsible for how you feel.
Perhaps that is where we can look again.
Caring about someone is not the same as being responsible for their happiness. I can be kind, considerate and loving without having to become the person someone else needs me to be.
And the same is true in reverse.
Someone may disappoint me without being responsible for my inner peace. Someone may be disappointed in me without me having to lose mine.
That doesn’t mean becoming indifferent. Quite the opposite. Perhaps it allows us to love a little more freely, without quietly giving each other jobs we never agreed to. 
So when disappointment appears, perhaps we don’t have to get rid of it. We can become curious:
What did I expect you to give me?
Who did I expect you to be?
And if I am afraid of disappointing you… what am I afraid will happen if I do?
Maybe disappointment itself isn’t the problem.
Maybe it simply reveals the expectation that was hiding underneath.
The little snake in the grass has shown itself.
With love and light,
Gonny