Parenting Without Ego

Parenting is often seen as a process of teaching a child to “be good” or to “listen.” Typically, this involves constant correction, often driven by shadows of fear and control, rather than a foundation of love and understanding.

But what if parenting had nothing to do with making the child “behave” or “obey,” and everything to do with providing a safe and loving environment where they are free to explore, grow, and learn?

Of course, there are times when a child needs protection. A cliff, a hot stove, a sharp knife—these are situations where a parent must step in, not to break the child’s will, but to ensure their safety. Yet even in such situations, a parent without ego can act from a place of calm and love rather than feeding fear. Instead of a harsh warning, the parent might say, “That looks challenging, doesn’t it? But it’s very hot, very deep, very sharp, and I’d really like you to stay safe. Let’s find something else to explore.”

Teaching respect for others without pointing out mistakes—that is indeed an art. We often use mistakes as lessons, as reminders of what “shouldn’t” be done, as if each misstep must reinforce the concept of “wrong.” But imagine if we approached mistakes the way an artist approaches a sketch: as part of the process, as a path to refinement. Instead of saying, “That was wrong!” a parent without ego might ask, “What did you learn? What would you do differently next time?” This gives the child room to grow without feeling ashamed or “bad.”

And then there are questions that we might want to reconsider altogether, like: “What would you like to eat?” A question that, while well-intentioned, isn’t necessarily loving. A child will undoubtedly answer “ice cream!”—because why would they choose anything else? A parent without ego would take the lead, saying: “Today we’re going to have something delicious and nourishing.” This way, the child is free to enjoy their journey of discovery without being confused by choices they may not yet fully understand.

Don’t Say No… Always Say Yes

A lovely approach is to replace the word “no” with a “yes” followed by a gentle addition. The idea is not to go against the child directly, but to create space with soft guidance. So instead of saying “no,” it could sound like this:

“Yes, you know that’s quite dangerous, right?” This acknowledges the child’s curiosity while subtly pointing out the risks, allowing them to reconsider their choice.

Or: “Yes, you can, but remember, we’re going to the pizzeria soon, and it would be a shame if you weren’t hungry.” This gives the child room to make their own decision while lovingly showing them the potential outcome.

Or: “Yes, I understand you want to finish this, but I’m going shopping now.” This way, the child learns to consider others as part of their experience.

With this approach, the word “yes” becomes a bridge to awareness and responsibility without the child feeling constrained by a “no.” This way, they experience freedom within boundaries, with loving guidance rather than rejection. It’s a subtle dance of encouragement and respect for themselves and for others.

So yes, imagine: parenting without ego. No guilt, no blame, no impossible expectations. Just a loving presence that invites the child to be fully themselves. It would be a revolution in the way we guide children in this world. Perhaps not always easy, but certainly a world where every child grows up with the assurance that they will never be judged—only loved.

In my books “My Name Is Nobody” and “My Name is One” (you can read these books here, go to ‘resources read our books’)  provide guidelines for ego-free parenting in the light of A Course in Miracles, where children learn to see things differently, to understand that mistakes are simply lessons to be corrected, and where love is always at the center. It’s a gentle encouragement for spiritual growth as well.