Love Behind Bars: Special Relationships

In the world of ‘A Course in Miracles’, special relationships are seen as traps in which we hold each other captive. It may sound dramatic, but let’s be honest: who doesn’t recognize those moments when you feel more like a prisoner than a partner? It’s like being caught in a complicated game of expectations, where you’re expected to meet all kinds of demands: be happy when you’re not, be perfect in your imperfections, and above all, never, ever disappoint.

You’re essentially the lid on your partner’s inner pot full of ‘sh*t’. As long as you play that role, everything is fine and dandy. But the moment you do something that doesn’t fit the picture, it’s as if the whole lid flies off and you’re to blame. And let’s be real, this game goes both ways. In every special relationship, we look for a lid that fits perfectly on our own pot of insecurities and fears. We use the other to avoid seeing what’s simmering inside of us.

Do you think you’re not funny enough? Then you find someone who always lights up the room with a smile. Don’t feel successful? You’re drawn to that partner who seems to have it all: the career, the status, you name it. It’s as if we’re walking puzzles and our partner is the missing piece. But as soon as that piece shifts—as your partner starts behaving differently or changes—fear bubbles up. The lid moves, and suddenly we see what we had so carefully hidden away.

But here’s the catch: no one can fill our shortcomings. No ‘perfect’ lid can cover the pot we’ve filled with all our fears and insecurities. The only way to be truly free in a relationship is to acknowledge that we are responsible for our own happiness. And yes, that’s easier said than done. But imagine how liberating it would be if we stopped blaming each other and instead laughed at all those silly expectations we impose on one another.

So, let’s take off that lid and take a good look at what’s in the pot. What have we stuffed in there? A bit of fear here, a pinch of disappointment there, and a generous dollop of unrealistic expectations? Time to scoop it all out! Let’s empty that pot to make room for true love, without conditions, without ‘if… then’ scenarios.

Because only when we let go of our own limitations can we truly meet each other in freedom. And who knows, maybe we can even laugh together at all those times we thought we needed each other to be complete. Because love, real love, doesn’t depend on a lid over a pot. It’s the freedom to dance together in the kitchen, even if we both still have a bit of soul-searching to do. And that, my friends, is a delicious recipe for happiness.