True Empathy

Imagine you’re on a boat with a friend, peacefully floating along a serene river. Suddenly, your friend spots a hole in the boat and starts to panic. They’re  convinced the boat is sinking, even though it’s just a tiny leak. They’re frantically trying to bail out the water with a spoon, and they’re   getting more and more upset. You’re sitting there with a bucket and a smile. Now, you could join them in his  panic, grab another spoon, and start frantically bailing with them. But, would that really help?

This is where “true empathy”  comes in—a concept that A Course in Miracles (ACIM) handles with a gentle yet profound touch. True empathy, in the Course’s terms, isn’t about joining your friend in his fear or sharing a spoon of despair. Instead, it’s about recognizing the situation for what it truly is—a manageable moment—and responding from a place of peace and love.

Most of us have been taught that compassion means feeling what others feel—if they’re sad, we should be sad with them; if they’re angry, we should join them in their anger. But ACIM invites us to a different kind of empathy, one that is grounded in the understanding that ‘fear is an illusion’ and that ‘only love is real’.

Imagine if you did start bailing water with that spoon, mirroring your friend’s panic. Now, not only is one person stressed, but two people are, and the problem remains unsolved. In contrast, true empathy says, “I see your fear, but I’m not going to join you in it. Instead, I’m going to hold a space of calm and offer a solution.” You pick up a towel and plug the tiny leak, and then use the bucket to swiftly remove the water. Your friend calms down, realizing the situation isn’t as dire as they thought. This is the power of true empathy—responding from love instead of reacting from fear.

We are all connected,  and what we extend to others, we extend to ourselves. By choosing not to reinforce fear, we help others remember their own capacity for peace. It’s like being on that boat and choosing to see the situation from the perspective of love, knowing that this small leak is easily fixed and that the boat isn’t doomed.

True Empathy in Action

Let’s put this into another real-world scenario. Your friend is going through a tough time at work and is convinced they’re going to get fired. They’re stressed, losing sleep, and caught up in a whirlwind of “what ifs.” Here’s where you can practice true empathy.

Instead of matching their anxiety with your own (“Oh no! That sounds terrible!”), you could say, “I hear how worried you are, and I’m here for you. But let’s also remember that you’ve faced challenges before and come out stronger. What can we do to support you right now?”

You acknowledge their feelings, but you don’t reinforce their fear. Instead, you gently guide them back to a place of strength and calm. This is true empathy—a gift to both them and you.

So true empathy  isn’t about abandoning others in their time of need; it’s about standing firmly in your own light and inviting them to join you there. It’s the difference between two people floundering in a leaky boat and one person saying, “I’ve got this. Let’s plug the hole together.”

So, the next time someone hands you a spoon of fear, smile, hold out your bucket, and offer a different way—a way that reflects the love and peace within us all. That’s the power of true empathy, and that’s how you keep the boat afloat