Fear of Failure

There’s something curious about being human.

Even the most talented, loving, mindful people walk around with a little voice in their head that whispers:
“What if I fail?”
And sometimes shouts:
“You’re not good enough.”

But where does this voice come from?
Why is fear of failure such a universal companion, even in moments that have nothing to do with failure at all?

Let’s go back.
Way back.
To childhood.

 The Roller Skates and the Gold Medal

Imagine a little girl, seven years old.
She joins a local roller-skating contest. It’s fun, colorful, wobbly, and sweet. And at the end… she gets a medal!
What do we do?

We cheer. We clap. We say:
“You’re amazing! You’re a winner!”

And yes… it’s beautiful. Encouraging. Well-meaning.
But underneath the glitter, something else slips in quietly:

“When I win… I’m special.”
“When I perform well… I get love.”
“And when I don’t…?”

The next time she skates…no medal.
And suddenly, she’s not just sad.
She feels… less.
Maybe she cries. Maybe she tells herself:
“I’m not good enough anymore.”

Psychology’s View: Conditioning Disguised as Praise

From a psychological perspective, fear of failure is often the result of conditional approval.
We grow up learning that success means value.
Achievement means love.
Mistakes mean disappointment.

Even when parents mean well, the constant linking of praise to outcome creates a fragile inner landscape where love feels earned, and failure feels dangerous.
We start believing we are our results.
That doing well = being good, and failing = being less.

This mental trap is so common that entire education systems are built on it.
Gold stars. Grades. Applause. Performance reviews. Social media likes.

We’re all chasing an invisible scoreboard.

And the anxiety? That’s the fear of falling behind.

But Here’s a Radical Idea:

What if the fear of failure isn’t a problem?
What if it’s a teacher?

ACIM’s View: The Fear That Never Really Happened

A Course in Miracles doesn’t shame fear.
It gently uncovers its source:

“You are afraid of nothing.” (T-18)

Not as a dismissal, but as an invitation.
Fear of failure is a symptom of believing in a self that can fail.
A self that is separate, fragile, dependent on outcomes.

The ego thrives on this.
It whispers:
“Don’t mess up. Don’t disappoint. Don’t be wrong.”
Because if you are… then you’re unworthy.

But ACIM turns the entire concept inside out.

It says:

“You are as God created you.” (Lesson 94)
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” (T.2)

Your value is not in question. Ever.
You cannot lose what you are.
You can only forget it.

Fear of failure isn’t a sin. It’s a sign.
A signal from the split mind.
A little flare that says:

“I’m still believing I need to earn my place here.”

And that belief is the only thing that needs healing.

What About Buddhism?

Buddhism, too, speaks of attachment to outcome as a cause of suffering.
In the Eightfold Path, Right Intention and Right View invite us to let go of clinging, to results, to identity, to reward.

Zen might say:
“Chop wood, carry water.”
Do what you do, and let go of what it brings.

No failure.
No success.
Just presence.

Very ACIM, isn’t it?

 New Way to Raise Ourselves (and Our Kids)

So what if we praised differently?

Instead of:
“You’re amazing because you won!”
We try:
“You looked so happy skating!”
Or:
“I loved watching you play, you were really present.”

We celebrate effort. Presence. Joy.
Not the outcome.

And for ourselves?

We start noticing when fear speaks.
We don’t argue with it. We don’t silence it.
We say:

“Ah… there you are again.
Wanting to protect me.
But I’m already safe.”

And we hand it over.

To the Holy Spirit.
To Love.
To the part of us that never believed in failure at all.
———-
Fear of failure isn’t something to crush.
It’s something to bless.
Because every time it arises, we get a new chance to remember:

We are not here to prove ourselves.
We are here to be ourselves.

And that… is already enough.

Always has been.

With love and light,
G.