A few years ago, I took part in a plant ceremony: Ayahuasca, the teacher of the jungle. After a warm introduction, we sat in a large circle, and each of us was given a small glass of dark liquid. I swallowed mine, curious but calm. Two minutes later it began. It felt as if two invisible hands grabbed my stomach and squeezed with all their strength, shouting: “Get it out!” Well, I’ll leave it to your imagination what happened.
After a while came a second round, another small glass… and it happened again. And again. Five times my body convulsed as if something in me refused the plant.
At first I thought: “This is nothing for me. It doesn’t work. I’m not getting visions or special sensations like some others did.”
But it was exactly then that the real insight came: it had worked! Because it showed me, crystal clear, how I try to keep “myself” under control at all times.
That was the message…not angels, not cosmic images, but the mirror of my own grip.
This insight felt so good, as if the Holy Spirit embraced me and confirmed that my path with ACIM is perfect for me.
A Course in Miracles is clear: the ego lives on control. It tells us we must manage the future, keep our defenses strong, and decide everything alone.
The ego is like an inner dictator whispering: “If I don’t run this show, you’ll fall apart.”
But the Course gently says the opposite:
“You need do nothing.”
And isn’t that the scariest thing for the ego? To be told we can stop, rest, and let God lead?
The ego loves to use the body to prove its control.
It wants to control what we eat, how we age, how we look, what visions we see, even under sacred plants.
It wants to control how close we can get to God… as if God could be measured in chemicals, DNA codes or whatever.
But the Course reminds us: the body is neutral. It has no power to keep or lose the Truth.
That night I finally saw how exhausting it is to try to run the universe alone.
And when I now say: “Today I will make no decisions by myself,” I dare to trust it.
When I hand over control, I don’t collapse… I expand.
I don’t lose power… I discover real Power.
And so will you.
With love and light,
G.