Why Do Parents Keep Helping Their Adult Children?

As parents, we often still see our children as our children in the form we know—through their bodies, their life situations, and their challenges. This stems from identification with the ego, which operates through roles and responsibilities in the world. The role of a parent is deeply embedded in conditioning: parents protect, nurture, help, and support their children. This pattern doesn’t simply stop because they’ve grown up, because our attachment to the role continues as long as we perceive the world as real.

From the perspective of A Course in Miracles, this attachment to the role is a form of fear—the fear that our children won’t manage without us, that they will suffer, or that we will fail as parents. The ego tells us that our worth as parents is determined by what we do and give.

Many parents unconsciously feel a sense of guilt or responsibility for the difficulties their children face. This can come from thoughts like:

• “Should I have better prepared them for life?”

• “Did I make mistakes in their upbringing?”

• “Can I make up for it by supporting them financially?”

Guilt always leads to an attempt at compensation through giving. But in reality, guilt is an illusion. Our children are not our responsibility in the sense that we must control their life path. Like us, they are Spirit, free and guided by the Holy Spirit—if they are open to it.

What Does True Helping Mean?

True help does not necessarily mean financial support, but rather recognizing their strength and autonomy. The Course teaches us that giving and receiving are one. If giving comes from fear (such as the fear that they cannot manage without us), we reinforce the illusion of lack. But if giving comes from love and trust, it is a free gift without attachment or expectation.

A key question to ask yourself is:

“Am I giving from joy and trust, or from hidden fear or guilt?”

True help is not about removing another person’s challenges but reminding them of their own power. From a spiritual perspective, the greatest gift to your children might be the message:

“I trust that you are guided and have everything you need. I am here, not as your savior, but as someone who believes in your strength.”

Parents will always be parents, and the ego loves to keep us occupied with the role of the ‘super parent.’ Maybe there’s also some humor in this: the ego whispers, “They can’t do it without you”, while the children might think, “I want to do it myself, but a little extra help is always welcome!”

The solution? Laugh about it, see the game for what it is, and choose—again and again—to give from joy, without attachment. Because in the end, we are all brothers and sisters in this dream—not each other’s saviors.

Want to help your children? Help them remember their own strength. And if you do give, do it with love, without the thought that they need it.

With love and light,

G.