The comfort of being Unhappy !

Most people say they want to be happy. Peaceful. Free. Light. At ease.

And they truly believe that. They mean it. They even work hard at it. They read, they practice, they reflect, they search.

And yet… many of us remain quietly, loyally unhappy.

Not dramatically…not always visibly, but in a subtle, familiar way. A background tone, a slight heaviness, a sense of “not quite there yet”,

a gentle but persistent dissatisfaction.

Which raises an uncomfortable question, one we don’t often ask:

What if unhappiness is not only something we suffer…but also something we use?

Unhappiness gives us something to hold on to. A story. An identity. A reason. A position. It tells us who we are in relation to the world.

The one who has been hurt.

The one who tries so hard.

The one who is misunderstood.

The one who never quite gets what others seem to get so easily.

That may sound negative, but it is also very… solid.

Very defining. Very “me.”

The ego loves that.

Happiness, on the other hand, is strangely anonymous. It has no storyline, no drama, no explanation. It doesn’t say who you are. It simply is. And for the ego, that is deeply unsatisfying.

Happy people are inconvenient. They don’t complain properly. They don’t defend themselves passionately. They don’t need to be right. They don’t need to explain. They just… are. And the ego has no role to play in that.

We don’t stay unhappy because we enjoy suffering. We stay unhappy because we enjoy familiarity. Even pain can feel like home when you’ve lived in it long enough. You know the furniture, the corners. You know where the light switch is. You know which thoughts come with it and which emotions follow.

It’s predictable.

Happiness, on the other hand, is unpredictable. It has no script. No routine. No emotional map. It is open. Spacious. Undefined. And that can feel… unsafe.

So the mind often chooses the known discomfort over the unknown ease. Not because it is better, but because it is known. It whispers, very softly and very convincingly: “Careful… if you let go of this story, who will you be?”

Have you ever noticed how quickly we defend our pain?

Someone offers a different perspective and we say, “Yes, but you don’t know my situation.”

Someone points to peace and we reply, “That’s easy for you to say.”

Someone suggests letting go and we think, “In my case it’s different.”

Of course it is. For the ego, it always is.

The ego is an excellent lawyer. It does not need evidence, it only needs conviction. And you, without noticing, have been rehearsing this case for years. Not because you want to suffer, but because suffering has become part of who you think you are.

And then there is the spiritual version, which is much more elegant.

It wears nice clothes. It uses soft language, it sounds humble and serious:

“I still have so much work to do….my ego is really strong….I’m not there yet…I keep failing.”

It looks sincere. It feels deep. It sounds responsible.

And it is still… unhappiness.

Just with incense.

The ego does not mind being spiritual at all, as long as you remain incomplete. As long as you see yourself as a project instead of as what you are.

You are not unhappy because life is cruel. You are unhappy because the ego needs you to be.

Not as punishment, bus as strategy.

Because a truly peaceful mind is very difficult to control. It doesn’t react properly. It doesn’t follow the usual scripts. It doesn’t play the expected roles.

And the ego is all about roles.

Have you ever noticed how quickly we interrupt peace?

A quiet moment appears… and we grab our phone.

A light feeling arises… and we remember something heavy.

A sense of freedom shows up… and we start worrying about the future.

Almost automatic. Almost innocent. And very revealing.

Happiness has no grip points. There is nothing to hold, nothing to fix, nothing to chew on. And the ego doesn’t know what to do with that.

So it creates something. Anything. Even a small annoyance will do.

The simple truth:

Unhappiness is not deep. It is not meaningful. It is not noble.

It is just familiar. And familiarity feels safer than freedom, even when it isn’t.

You don’t have to fight your unhappiness. You don’t have to analyze it. You don’t have to heal it……You only need to notice it:

“Oh… I’m choosing this.”

Not with guilt or with shame. With curiosity and kindness, because the moment you see the choice, the spell weakens. And something else appears: Space…..Lightness….Relief. And maybe, if you’re lucky… a little grin.

Because you realize: You were never trapped. You were just loyal.

And loyalty… can change.

With love and light,

G.