By Gonny 
We all have relationships :
Romantic ones, family ones, friendships, neighbors, colleagues, ex-this and almost-that.
Some feel warm and easy, others… let’s say they come with instructions, conditions, expectations, disappointments and the occasional dramatic pause.
In A Course in Miracles these are called special relationships.
Not because they are rare or magical, but because they are specially designed by the ego.
A special relationship always starts with a deal:
I’ll love you if you make me feel seen…..I’ll stay if you don’t leave….
I’ll be kind as long as you understand me..
Or we blackmail: I cannot live without you !
It can sound very romantic, very reasonable, very human. And that’s exactly the problem.
The ego uses relationships to ‘get’ something.
Love, safety, identity, confirmation that “I exist and I matter.”
And because no other person can actually deliver what the ego is looking for, the same relationship that starts in attraction often ends in disappointment.
ACIM says it very simply:
“The special relationship is the ego’s chief weapon for keeping you from Heaven.”
That sounds dramatic, but when you look closely, it’s actually very practical.
In a special relationship, the other person becomes responsible for your inner state……And that is a job no one applied for !
One day they smile, and life is good.
The next day they forget to reply to a message, and suddenly the mind writes a whole trilogy:
They don’t care anymore. I did something wrong. This always happens to me.
The ego loves this kind of storytelling.
It feels busy, important, and painfully alive.
Now here comes the gentle but big twist : the Holy Relation.
A Holy Relationship is not a better relationship.
It’s not more spiritual, calmer, or conflict-free.
It is not about behaving nicely or suppressing irritation.
A Holy Relationship is a shift in the mind.
Nothing changes on the outside first.
Same person. Same habits. Same annoying quirks.
But inside, something essential relaxes.
Instead of asking: What can I get from you?
the mind begins to ask: What is this showing me?
ACIM puts it like this:
“The Holy Relationship is the expression of the Holy Instant in living interaction.”
In other words:
the relationship stops being a battlefield and becomes a classroom.
And yes, the ego hates classrooms.
In a Holy Relationship, the other person is no longer the source of your happiness or unhappiness. They become a mirror.
A very honest one.
When irritation arises, you don’t need to fix the other.
You look at the irritation itself.
When jealousy appears, you don’t spiritualize it away.
You notice how much you were asking the relationship to protect your sense of self.
When hurt shows up, you pause and realize:
Ah… I believed something here.
This is where awareness enters.
Not with judgment, but with curiosity.
The beautiful thing is: any relationship can transform.
You don’t need to leave it.
You don’t need the other person to understand ACIM, agree with you, or “do the work.”
The work is entirely internal.
The moment you notice,
“I’m trying to get something from you,”
the Holy Spirit has room to enter.
ACIM says:
“The Holy Relationship begins with a decision to look at everything that is being used for separation.”
That decision can happen while making coffee.
While arguing about the dishwasher.
While sitting silently next to someone you love and suddenly realizing you don’t need anything from them.
And that moment is often very quiet.
Sometimes it comes with a smile.
Sometimes with laughter.
Sometimes with a gentle “there You are.”
A Holy Relationship doesn’t make you cling closer.
It makes you freer.
It doesn’t erase differences.
It dissolves the belief that differences threaten love.
And slowly, very slowly, something beautiful happens.
You stop needing the relationship to define you.
You stop using it to complete you.
You stop demanding that it saves you.
And what remains is something surprisingly light.
Shared presence.
Honesty without drama.
Love without contracts.
Not perfect behavior.
Not eternal harmony.
Just truth, quietly recognized.
Or as ACIM says with its characteristic simplicity:
“In the Holy Relationship, no one is used, and no one is replaced.”
And maybe that is the greatest relief of all.
No roles to perform.
No selves to defend.
No love to earn.
Just two appearances in the dream, remembering, together or separately, that Love was never in the relationship to begin with.
It was always in the mind that chose to see differently.
And yes…the ego will still try to negotiate., but now you can smile at it.
Because you know the difference. 
With love and light,
G.