By Gonny 
This morning, I stood in front of my closet.
Same old thought, as always: What should I wear?
This dress or that one?
And suddenly, I giggled at myself. Why does it matter so much?
A dress means nothing (1).
But still, my eyes kept scanning… and then I saw it.
Oh yes… that dress! The “lucky one” I wore the day I graduated.
I always call it my good luck charm.
Writing this down, I realize how sacred this piece of fabric feels in my mind.
And yet… I’m the only one who gave it all that meaning (2).
My sister doesn’t even like it!
And there I am, laughing at myself again. What does it even matter?
A dress doesn’t mean anything (1), unless I give it meaning.
Now I am writing this I notice…I do this with everything.
I hand out meaning like it’s candy. But do things actually come with meaning on their own? A chair, a cup, even my own face in the mirror…?
What are these things, really?
I don’t actually understand anything I see (3), even though I like to pretend I do.
And then, my thoughts…Oh, those thoughts…They never stop!
Should I do this? Or that?
They’re like all those dresses in my closet…cluttered, loud, and slightly dramatic (4).
Yesterday, I felt soooo upset. But not really because of what I thought.
Something else was bubbling underneath, something I couldn’t quite name (5). I felt upset about something I couldn’t even see, something that wasn’t even there (6).
Like when I thought someone was judging me, but they were just lost in their own world. I created a whole drama in my head. Oops.
This afternoon, while pouring my coffee, I noticed something:
I was only seeing the past (7).
The mug I was drinking from? It wasn’t just a mug…it was Grandma’s mug!
I looked around, and everything I saw had a memory attached.
Like the lucky dress this morning.
That chair? ….from Ikea!
That book? It’s full of words. And how do I know that? Because I read it yesterday.
Even that pointless peanut on the floor reminded me of its taste…and that I really should vacuum later. (By the way, I didn’t… so a good reminder for tomorrow!)
My mind felt heavy and preoccupied with all those old thoughts (
.
So I said : basta with the past and old thoughts around the past…what do I see now?
But then another question surfaced: Do I really see anything as it is right now? (9)
I once read that animals see differently than we do.
And if they see differently… who’s right? Me or them?
Maybe no one. …… What a mess. I really have to stop thinking.
Because to be honest with myself….my own thoughts don’t mean much either (10).
They swirl and echo: old phrases, old habits, recycled feelings.
They pretend to be helpful, but mostly they’re just background noise.
Still, I listen to them… as if they know something I don’t.
And maybe the world around me doesn’t actually mean anything either.
Because if I’m the one giving everything its meaning…
then maybe… I can let that meaning go.
Okay enough for today…
Goodnight, dear diary.
⸻
For this woman, the day began with a dress… but ended with ten gentle revelations. The first ten lessons of A Course in Miracles.
Not bad for a Friday.
With love and light,
G.