By Gonny (A deeler look at ACIM lesson 193)
Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes you catch yourself thinking:
“Why does this always happen to me?”
For example:
-Always that person who steamrolls your boundaries.
-Always that parent who doesn’t hear you unless you raise your voice.
-Always that one friendship that pulls you in and swallows you whole.
You already know the story. You’ve been here before.
And just when you’re ready to sigh dramatically and throw the spiritual towel in the ring, the Course gently whispers:
“All things are lessons God would have me learn.”
Well… thank you very much, dear God.
Especially when you’re just recovering from yet another conversation where you explained yourself (again) and still didn’t feel seen.
Or when you played the savior (again) while all you really wanted was a cup of coffee and a hug.
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What is this lesson really?
Let’s be clear:
It’s not a punishment.
God isn’t sitting on a cloud with a red pen grading your performance.
The lesson is not correction.
It’s direction.
A pointer.
Back inward.
Back to you.
Back to that core life dynamic that keeps repeating… until you see it.
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What is a life dynamic?
It’s like a hidden stage play.
One you’ve been acting in for years, without realizing it.
Maybe you’re:
-The Pleaser: “If I’m sweet, they’ll notice me.”
(Belief: I’m not truly seen.)
-The Savior: “You first, me later.”
(Belief: I must sacrifice myself to earn love.)
-The Silent One: “If I don’t speak, maybe things stay calm.”
(Belief: My voice doesn’t matter. Silence keeps me safe.)
-The Overachiever: “If I don’t do, I don’t matter.”
(Belief: My worth depends on performance.)
-The Joker: “If I laugh, I don’t have to feel.”
(Belief: If I’m funny, no one will see my pain.)
-The Observer: “If I study life from a distance, maybe I’ll stay safe.”
(Belief: Life is dangerous. Better to understand than to participate.)
We all have a script.
Most of us started acting it out before we could even read.
And we’ve played it faithfully our whole life…
Until it hurts too much.
Until we’re tired.
Until we want to understand.
Until we want to wake up.
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But how?
This is where Lesson 193 turns everything around:
“Forgive, and you will see this differently.”
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But forgive… who?
Your parents?
Your ex?
The friend who ghosted you?
Your inner critic?
Your fear of life?
Yes… and no.
What you’re really forgiving is the image you made.
The role you played.
The belief you held about who you needed to be.
Not to erase the past,
but to see through it.
And this is the miracle:
Once you see the pattern, you can say the sacred words:
“I will forgive, and this will disappear.”
You stop battling the role.
You step off the stage.
And you walk into the light.
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A deeper truth that changed everything
There was a moment (maybe you’ve had it too), where the Holy Spirit seemed to say:
“You don’t need to fix this.
You only need to recognize you made it.”
And suddenly, it wasn’t about them anymore.
Not the person who triggered me.
Not the parent who never really saw me.
Not the partner who didn’t understand.
It was about the role I believed I had to play, to be safe, to be loved, to be good.
That was the lesson:
The pain wasn’t punishment. It was a pointer.
It said: “Look here. You’re still acting.”
Another powerful moment came when I realized:
“As long as I keep trying to understand the other,
I avoid feeling myself.”
Let that sink in.
I thought I was being compassionate, thoughtful, spiritual even.
But really, I was keeping the pain at arm’s length.
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Some questions to gently ask yourself
Use these in stillness. In journaling. Or in silence after a walk.
1.What pattern keeps replaying in my life?
2.What role do I play when I feel threatened or small?
3.What do I try to avoid by playing this role?
4.What would happen if I gently said: “I don’t need this anymore”?
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A new story
When you dare to look at your own script, lovingly, without shame,
the Holy Spirit smiles and says:
“Shall we write a new story?”
One where you return to yourself. Not as the rescuer. Not as the forgotten one. But as the Beloved. Exactly as you are.
An example of when you are “seeing the pattern/your life dynamic, and releasing the pattern;” :
You see the pattern.
You recognize how it played out in your relationships.
And you shift it from projection to insight.
That’s forgiveness in action.
Not: “They should have treated me differently.”
But: “I believed, for example, I wasn’t truly seen, so I asked people to show me exactly that.”
Not to punish yourself.
But to eventually say:
“Wait a minute… I don’t have to believe this anymore.
Because I am seen. By God.
And that’s enough.
Everything else is just a mirror…not the truth.”
What if the real lesson is this:
As long as I seek love where it isn’t shared,
I will keep hiding myself.
But the moment I find love within, as peace, as truth,
I no longer need to run across the stage looking for attention.
I become the Radiant Self,
who teaches others what it means to truly see.
And what about the other person?
They played their role.
Not as the villain.
But as part of the script you are now rewriting.
The holy lesson:
“I will forgive, and this will disappear.”
Which really means:
I forgive the idea that love lives outside of me.
I forgive the belief that I was ever overlooked.
I give it back to the Holy Spirit,
and He reminds me:
“You were never unseen.
You are the very Thought of God.
And in His Mind, you are forever home.”
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The truth beneath it all
Everything is a lesson.
Not because you’re broken.
But because you forgot who you are.
Each time the same pain appears, life isn’t punishing you.
It’s gently knocking:
“Would you like to see this differently now?”
And this time…
you say yes.
“I will forgive,
and this… yes, even this… will disappear.”
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With love and light,
G.
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P.S. If this touched something in you, don’t rush to fix anything.
Just breathe. Smile.
And know that even your patterns… are holy teachers in disguise.