By Jan
“When the watcher realises it watches itself, headlines dissolve into healing – and what remains smiles at its own punch‑line.”
In the spirit of *That‑Which‑Is* – simultaneously the stage, the actors, and the audience – we present today’s U.S. headlines not as heavy bricks of reality, but as brightly‑painted props inviting a wink. Stop looking and the show folds up; keep looking and at least enjoy the costume changes.
1. FSU campus locked down – but tuition fees remain bullet‑proof
A lone gunman turned Florida State University into a crime scene on the eve of finals. Two students lost their lives, several were injured, and professors finally discovered the only thing louder than a fire alarm: social‑media sirens. The campus bar responded with a two‑for‑one ‘therapy hour’ – proof that capitalism abhors a vacuum almost as much as grief does.
2. Supreme Court to debate who counts as an American – 14th Amendment on the dissection table
The justices will soon argue whether birthright citizenship is a birth‑right or a thirty‑day free trial. Constitutional originalists prepare Latin citations; everyone else prepares popcorn.
3. White House to Harvard: ‘No visas, no problem’ – International students grab their wands
The administration floated the idea of blocking foreign enrolments at Harvard ‘for national security’. Unofficial translation: nobody invited the President to Alumni Weekend. Hogwarts applications spiked overnight.
4. Is a $53 billion endowment ever *enough*? Harvard’s piggy bank under scrutiny
Critics say the fund could bankroll every student’s coffee habit until 2350; Harvard replies that most of the money is ‘illiquid’ – which is academia’s polite way of saying it is tied up in professorial daydreams and rare‑book climate control.
5. Judge declares Google an ad monopoly – Search result: ‘Well, yes’
A federal ruling found that Alphabet’s sandbox contains all the spades. Google promised to appeal – right after crib‑sheeting the judge’s favourite YouTube cat compilation.
6. Trump vs. Powell: The Fed soap opera reaches Season 5
The President once again hinted that the Fed Chair might enjoy ‘more time with family’. Jerome Powell reminded reporters that monetary policy lacks an easy mute button. Meanwhile inflation, the least popular extra in the series, refuses to leave the set.
Nullity Daily is best consumed with a grin. Remember: you are the story you read.